Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize