I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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