I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
