My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
