I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
