that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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