I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
