Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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