Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
