4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
