didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize