i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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