Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
