I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
