How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
