Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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