I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
