Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
