She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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