The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
