awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
