Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
