I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
