3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
