dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
do nipples grow back?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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