party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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