I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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