And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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