i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
