I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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