I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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