you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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