im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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