I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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