My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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