I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we're making bets on your personal life
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
