big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
