walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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