i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize