sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So squirting runs in the family.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
