Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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