I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
