Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
