You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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