Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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