I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
