Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i would punch a child for taco bell
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
