this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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