My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
