help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
