oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
