Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
