I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
