It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
