Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize