TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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