Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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