Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
