How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
