it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize