$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
