i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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