just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
