Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
