I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
