I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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