I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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