So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
