she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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