butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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