just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
In America we eat man semen.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
