I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
