Your mouth is God's brothel.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
