Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
