the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
