So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
